"I'm running...in the tradition of American political satire."
Let's enjoy the sound-and-pictures of California's recall candidates on the L.A. Times site -- one last time.
"I am running for governor to oppose the recall. I am totally unqualified and a tad corrupt."
"If two people representing Butt Monkey beer can get on the ballot for the governor of the
fifth-largest economy in the world, there is something wrong with the system."
But don't be too grouchy. There's something uniquely Californian in the "self-actualizing" candidacies...
"I started by making an autobiographical film about running for governor. And by the end of obtaining my signatures and handing in my $3,500, I decided I really wanted to run...."
The quoted candidates above are, in order...
Eric Korevaar
Trek Thunder Kelley
Robert Cullenbine
Scott Mednick
Abner Zurd
Heather Havrilesky was bitter last week. California's Recall election whipsawed after a final five-candidate debate --
and all Arnold had to do was "throw out an assortment of rebellious-sounding one-liners and insults simple enough for an intelligent dog to understand.
"We are med as hell, and we are nut going to take it anymore!"
"This is all trickery, just like the budget vas trickery!"
(To Arianna) "You personal income tax hef the biggest loophole, I can drive my Hummer through it, that's how big the loophole is."
"They go out and go tax, tax, tax. You guys hef an addiction problem, you should go to an addiction place!"
"Where are the jobs? Gone, gone, gone."
(To Arianna) "Maybe a little bit more decaf!"
"Yeah! What he said!" Havrilesky continues. "Tax, tax, tax! Jobs gone gone! More decaf!"
"Predictably enough, by a few days later, the Barbarian had a lock on the election and Huffington left the race. It's comforting to know that the thug who yells the loudest wins it all."
In 1996 Sinbad appeared in Jingle All the Way. Appearing on Oprah the same year, Sinbad told this story about filming the movie - and what happened when a woman walked by co-star Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"Arnold grabs the woman's butt and says, 'Sinbad, stop that! I want to apologize for him.' The woman says, 'Oh, it's okay!'
Breakfast. I order sausage and eggs. A guy down the counter reads his newspaper,
then starts talking to the woman two stools over.
He tells her he's running for governor.
Is that the world's best pick-up line? No -- he's serious. She's not interested. He goes back to drinking his coffee. He rubs his nose. The waitress brings his waffle...
He's wearing an unassuming sports jersey. But he's serious; later he shows me his picture in a newspaper article. He tells the woman he'd just done an interview somewhere. "It's like C-Span. I'd never even heard of it. They interviewed me..."